at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Let's get the cat blown out
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
