Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
