"it" just moved
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
whose parrot is this?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
