Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
