i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
