we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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