It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
