Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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