I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
