just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
