Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
