She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
