It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
