checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can I color on your dick again?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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