My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
