i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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