Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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