Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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