Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
