He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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