She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
