he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
