I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
