4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
