my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
