Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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