Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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