i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
