I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
