her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
