it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
