getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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