Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
