420 ftw
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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