You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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