Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
