dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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