So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
