I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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