i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
