So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I die, sorry about rent.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
