i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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