Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
