help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize