There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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