Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
