i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
