Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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