This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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