this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
