im six kinds of drunk right now
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
