I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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