Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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