sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
