I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
