Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
