My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
