some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
