Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
