when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
