Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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