I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im holly from the hills drunk
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize