A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
