this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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