I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
