That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
