Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
