My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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