I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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